These Advice from My Dad Which Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was simply just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of fatherhood.

But the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who often hold onto harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - taking a few days away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They might briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."